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This is now my second night sleeping in the outback.  Today we went to Uluru and watched the sunrise.I don't know how to put it into words.  What I did today is the biggest reason I cam here.  It was phenomenal.

When I wake up tomorrow, I will be one week away from going home.  It's funny as I write that word, 'home'.  it feels even less true now than it did when I returned from Central America.  It doesn't even feel like it's really my house anymore and definitely not a home.  I wish I could go back and magically find my place the way I left it, with Ashley there to greet me with a smile and a beer.

Fuck.  It's so hard to stop my thoughts from turning to what happened.  Right now I am sitting beside a campfire in the middle of the Australian outback.  There are so many stars above me that they're actually smudging the sky.  I can't believe I'm here.

But then I think of what this trip has cost me.  I'm not talking about money (even though that cost has more than doubled now), but the overall cost to me, and to my life.  How, when I get back, everything is different.  Based on the trip alone my life would have changed, but now I don't know what to expect.  Is this going to change my desire to travel, and my confidence to leave home on my own?  I really don't know.  I  mostly think not, and hope not.  Mostly, but the other part of me wants to go back, pack my shit, and move somewhere that noone knows me and just be alone.

I know that part will go away.  The fear, the disappointment, all of the negative will leave, eventually.  And I hope, hope so much, that it's replaced by all of the positive again.  What I'm doing now, this very moment, is something I've dreamt of my whole life.  And your dreams dont' change, do they?