After everything that happened at home while I was away last, I haven't been too sure what my travel plans to be would become. Originally I'd planned on going to Thailand for about two months around November. But after last time, I didn't feel safe or confident in leaving my cats and home without me.
So since then, I've started thinking about places I can go for two weeks. I've been thinking of Morocco, especially since the cheapest way to get there is to fly to Paris first, so I'd get a few days in Paris then ten days in Morocco.
I've thought of heading down to Peru, to check out Machu Picchu. But if I head there, I need more than two weeks. So much to see, so much to do.
Yesterday I realized what was making this decision so hard: two weeks is like a vacation. I want another adventure. I just spent almost a week in Vegas, how could I go somewhere like Peru for only twice that time?
Today I decided FUCK IT. I have a trusted friend who I'm sure I could convince to take my cats for a month. And I want to go to Thailand. It's always been my dream, after Australia, and I just did that one. I'd decided against Thailand because I've figured I need at least two months, ideally three months there, because with everything else being so close, I'd want to go to Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam, Indonesia.... the list goes on.
But I can do Thailand for one month. Skip the other countries and just do the one I've been dying to see. So FUCK IT, I'm going. Just checked out prices and the flights are reasonable. Going to aim for November 1-30. As pretty much every flight stops in Hong Kong, I might try and delay my layover and spend a few days there as well, since I'll already be there.
Five months away.... oh well, it's not that long, and at least Ottawa/Montreal is pretty fucking awesome in the summertime!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I can't believe it's really over. I have to wake up in eight hours from now and head to the airport.
i've never, in my entire life, had something so hard to have to deal with when I get back. I am so happy that I found out what happened back home while I was here, cause if I hadn't found it out while I was here, it would all still be there on my walls and in my room for me to see when I get back. Since I'm lucky enough to have a group of such incredible friends, it's all been cleaned up and is gone, so I don't have to see it when I get home. But in some ways, that makes it weirder. That shit happened. And it's gone.
In so many ways, I've already moved passed it and have been able to focus on the amazing things I've done while here and not think about it. But now, i'm going back there in a few hours. And when I do, I have to realize that someone actually hates me enough to have done what they did to me. And I don't even know who did it. So I have to go back to a town where there is someone who actually HATES me. Not even dislikes. But actually hates, enough to go out and be as cruel to me as they were. I am a strong woman. And luckily I am, cause otherwise I wouldn't have been able to have the best time of my life while over here despite what happened. But even being as strong as I am, that doesn't make it easy to go back to that. And as much as I thank, from the bottom of my heart, all of my incredible friends who went to my house and cleaned the cruelty away, and took care of my cats, and did so many incredibly kind things for me that I don't know how I can ever thank them... that still doesn't erase the hurt that exists from what happened. I wish it could, so much. But now I have to go back, and have people ask me who I think did it. And there's a fucking witch hunt happening back there, a witch hunt that I've even taken part of from here, throwing friends of mine on the fire and accusing.
Now that the trip is ending, it's so hard to say to myself, 'It doesn't matter. You're living out one of your dreams. Enjoy it.'. Because now, that dream is over. Now I have to go back to a place where someone hates me enough t have done what they did. I want so much to be able to say it doesn't matter, but it DOES. I'm going home to find all of the money I'd saved to live on when i get back is gone. I'm going back to the realization that someone was in my fucking bedroom, and rooted through my personal belongings like they were nothing. To a place where someone hated me so much that they spraypainted the wall in my bedroom. My BEDROOM. The only place in the world that is totally mine.
I will get past this. I know that. But I hate, I hate so much, that I have to. All I did was take myself on a vacation I've dreamt of my whole life. Why is that something that could make someone do something so cruel to me?
Sorry. I'm a little drunk right now and just don't know how to move past this at the moment.
i've never, in my entire life, had something so hard to have to deal with when I get back. I am so happy that I found out what happened back home while I was here, cause if I hadn't found it out while I was here, it would all still be there on my walls and in my room for me to see when I get back. Since I'm lucky enough to have a group of such incredible friends, it's all been cleaned up and is gone, so I don't have to see it when I get home. But in some ways, that makes it weirder. That shit happened. And it's gone.
In so many ways, I've already moved passed it and have been able to focus on the amazing things I've done while here and not think about it. But now, i'm going back there in a few hours. And when I do, I have to realize that someone actually hates me enough to have done what they did to me. And I don't even know who did it. So I have to go back to a town where there is someone who actually HATES me. Not even dislikes. But actually hates, enough to go out and be as cruel to me as they were. I am a strong woman. And luckily I am, cause otherwise I wouldn't have been able to have the best time of my life while over here despite what happened. But even being as strong as I am, that doesn't make it easy to go back to that. And as much as I thank, from the bottom of my heart, all of my incredible friends who went to my house and cleaned the cruelty away, and took care of my cats, and did so many incredibly kind things for me that I don't know how I can ever thank them... that still doesn't erase the hurt that exists from what happened. I wish it could, so much. But now I have to go back, and have people ask me who I think did it. And there's a fucking witch hunt happening back there, a witch hunt that I've even taken part of from here, throwing friends of mine on the fire and accusing.
Now that the trip is ending, it's so hard to say to myself, 'It doesn't matter. You're living out one of your dreams. Enjoy it.'. Because now, that dream is over. Now I have to go back to a place where someone hates me enough t have done what they did. I want so much to be able to say it doesn't matter, but it DOES. I'm going home to find all of the money I'd saved to live on when i get back is gone. I'm going back to the realization that someone was in my fucking bedroom, and rooted through my personal belongings like they were nothing. To a place where someone hated me so much that they spraypainted the wall in my bedroom. My BEDROOM. The only place in the world that is totally mine.
I will get past this. I know that. But I hate, I hate so much, that I have to. All I did was take myself on a vacation I've dreamt of my whole life. Why is that something that could make someone do something so cruel to me?
Sorry. I'm a little drunk right now and just don't know how to move past this at the moment.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Back to where it all began...
Holy fuck is it ever hot in Melbourne. Totally unexpected but awesome surprise.
So today I caught what was my last domestic flight in this country, from Adelaide to Melbourne. Three days here, which will be mostly spent drunk/hungover, then back to Canada.
I can't believe all of the things I've done and seen (PANDAS!) in the last few weeks. And that it's only been WEEKS. I've done more exciting things in the past few weeks than I have in years. And I've seen so many things I'll likely never see again (PANDAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). And I've had the most terrible thing in my life happen to me, and I still have to go back and deal with that.
I don't know what will be happening or where I will be going from here. I don't know what things are going to bring, what life is going to throw at me, or where (or if) I'll be travelling to next.
All I know is I'm so happy I came here. The last time I threw everything into a bag and took off on my own was over a decade ago, when I took off to Alberta, and it was about damned time I did something like this again. I've made some mistakes (leaving a safe in my house, HA!), but I'll know how to do better next time. Next time... fuck I hate that it will likely have to be later than planned, but it's still going to happen.
So today I caught what was my last domestic flight in this country, from Adelaide to Melbourne. Three days here, which will be mostly spent drunk/hungover, then back to Canada.
I can't believe all of the things I've done and seen (PANDAS!) in the last few weeks. And that it's only been WEEKS. I've done more exciting things in the past few weeks than I have in years. And I've seen so many things I'll likely never see again (PANDAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). And I've had the most terrible thing in my life happen to me, and I still have to go back and deal with that.
I don't know what will be happening or where I will be going from here. I don't know what things are going to bring, what life is going to throw at me, or where (or if) I'll be travelling to next.
All I know is I'm so happy I came here. The last time I threw everything into a bag and took off on my own was over a decade ago, when I took off to Alberta, and it was about damned time I did something like this again. I've made some mistakes (leaving a safe in my house, HA!), but I'll know how to do better next time. Next time... fuck I hate that it will likely have to be later than planned, but it's still going to happen.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Today has erased any and all negativity from my head. It's barely past 10:30 in the morning and yet today has brought about the completion of a lifelong dream. I wish I could transport all of you here, to this moment.
Today I woke up at 3am, wrapped in a swag, in a clearing in the outback. I looked up at the sky and couldn't go back to sleep. There was so much light coming from the stars that I could actually make out the forms of the people sleeping around me. I couldn't close my eyes and shut this out, I lay there and just looked at the stars til everyone else got up at 5.
We then came to Kings Canyon just as the sun was rising. We trudged up the 400 or so steps to the top of the steep cliff, and all around me was the most stunning scenery I've ever seen.
If anyone plans to come to Australia, I highly recommend following my path. The Great Ocean Road was incredible. The whalesharks were a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The reef, Kuranda, everything was amazing.
But this. THIS. Nothing can top this. These three days are what I'll remember most. I know my memories of running off to the woods to cry my eyes out in private are going to fade, that was just last night and yet it's already meaningless to me.
Today has been the absolute highlight of this trip. We hiked to the top, and stood over the canyon, which gave us the most powerful echo I've ever experience when we yelled as a group. Then, in the middle of all this rock, was The Garden of Eden. That's actually what they call it and I can see why. It's this incredible, beautiful vegetation in the middle of this bright orange rock. And on one side, a cool, clear, beautiful pool of water. What an incredible feeling, to run off the rock and jump into the incredibly refreshing water. I could have stayed there all day.
Now we're on our way back to Alice Springs, to have a night of proper fucking PARTY TIME. It's amazing how well you can get to know people on a short trip like this, many of them feel like true friends already. Tonight will be a blast. I'm sure I will literally have to drag my hungover self to the train station tomorrow, but it will be worth it!
next stop: Adelaide.
Today I woke up at 3am, wrapped in a swag, in a clearing in the outback. I looked up at the sky and couldn't go back to sleep. There was so much light coming from the stars that I could actually make out the forms of the people sleeping around me. I couldn't close my eyes and shut this out, I lay there and just looked at the stars til everyone else got up at 5.
We then came to Kings Canyon just as the sun was rising. We trudged up the 400 or so steps to the top of the steep cliff, and all around me was the most stunning scenery I've ever seen.
If anyone plans to come to Australia, I highly recommend following my path. The Great Ocean Road was incredible. The whalesharks were a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The reef, Kuranda, everything was amazing.
But this. THIS. Nothing can top this. These three days are what I'll remember most. I know my memories of running off to the woods to cry my eyes out in private are going to fade, that was just last night and yet it's already meaningless to me.
Today has been the absolute highlight of this trip. We hiked to the top, and stood over the canyon, which gave us the most powerful echo I've ever experience when we yelled as a group. Then, in the middle of all this rock, was The Garden of Eden. That's actually what they call it and I can see why. It's this incredible, beautiful vegetation in the middle of this bright orange rock. And on one side, a cool, clear, beautiful pool of water. What an incredible feeling, to run off the rock and jump into the incredibly refreshing water. I could have stayed there all day.
Now we're on our way back to Alice Springs, to have a night of proper fucking PARTY TIME. It's amazing how well you can get to know people on a short trip like this, many of them feel like true friends already. Tonight will be a blast. I'm sure I will literally have to drag my hungover self to the train station tomorrow, but it will be worth it!
next stop: Adelaide.
`
This is now my second night sleeping in the outback. Today we went to Uluru and watched the sunrise.I don't know how to put it into words. What I did today is the biggest reason I cam here. It was phenomenal.
When I wake up tomorrow, I will be one week away from going home. It's funny as I write that word, 'home'. it feels even less true now than it did when I returned from Central America. It doesn't even feel like it's really my house anymore and definitely not a home. I wish I could go back and magically find my place the way I left it, with Ashley there to greet me with a smile and a beer.
Fuck. It's so hard to stop my thoughts from turning to what happened. Right now I am sitting beside a campfire in the middle of the Australian outback. There are so many stars above me that they're actually smudging the sky. I can't believe I'm here.
But then I think of what this trip has cost me. I'm not talking about money (even though that cost has more than doubled now), but the overall cost to me, and to my life. How, when I get back, everything is different. Based on the trip alone my life would have changed, but now I don't know what to expect. Is this going to change my desire to travel, and my confidence to leave home on my own? I really don't know. I mostly think not, and hope not. Mostly, but the other part of me wants to go back, pack my shit, and move somewhere that noone knows me and just be alone.
I know that part will go away. The fear, the disappointment, all of the negative will leave, eventually. And I hope, hope so much, that it's replaced by all of the positive again. What I'm doing now, this very moment, is something I've dreamt of my whole life. And your dreams dont' change, do they?
When I wake up tomorrow, I will be one week away from going home. It's funny as I write that word, 'home'. it feels even less true now than it did when I returned from Central America. It doesn't even feel like it's really my house anymore and definitely not a home. I wish I could go back and magically find my place the way I left it, with Ashley there to greet me with a smile and a beer.
Fuck. It's so hard to stop my thoughts from turning to what happened. Right now I am sitting beside a campfire in the middle of the Australian outback. There are so many stars above me that they're actually smudging the sky. I can't believe I'm here.
But then I think of what this trip has cost me. I'm not talking about money (even though that cost has more than doubled now), but the overall cost to me, and to my life. How, when I get back, everything is different. Based on the trip alone my life would have changed, but now I don't know what to expect. Is this going to change my desire to travel, and my confidence to leave home on my own? I really don't know. I mostly think not, and hope not. Mostly, but the other part of me wants to go back, pack my shit, and move somewhere that noone knows me and just be alone.
I know that part will go away. The fear, the disappointment, all of the negative will leave, eventually. And I hope, hope so much, that it's replaced by all of the positive again. What I'm doing now, this very moment, is something I've dreamt of my whole life. And your dreams dont' change, do they?
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Well here I am. I'm currently writing this by hand, from the top of Myer's Hill in Alice Springs. I'm in the fucking outback! I've dreamt of being here my entire life, and this is just a little taste of what I'll be seeing the next few days.
At the moment, sitting here, all of Alice Springs beneath me and the West MacDonnell mountains in the distance, I am actually feeling peaceful. Surprising because, I can quite honestly say without a doubt, that the last 24 hours have been the most terrible of my life. I have been trying very hard to remain positive, but for every positive minute I manage, I have about three minutes where I'm choking back tears. On top of everything that's already happened, today my netbook stopped working. Which means my main source of communication has been severed. Although, sitting up here right now, I'm thinking maybe that's okay. The next few days, in the Outback will be so incredible, who needs internet. I'll let my brain take a technology break.
Right now, sitting up here, I never want to go back. When Sarah, Robin and I climbed to the top of El Castillo at Xunantunich, and I stood there and looked at the world around me, I realized there was so much to see in this world and I needed to see more. Thats what I came here for. And right now, thats what I have. No matter what way I turn, all around me there are more mountains. I wish I could climb each and every one of them. I want to see everything.
The person who vandalized and robbed my bedroom is full of poison and hate. I haven't been very public with what the graffiti said, but it waspretty much the most cruel thing someone could say to me. And it's not going to stop hurting for a long time. But right now, I'm sitting on the top of a hill, on a bright red rock, in the middle of the outback. So you know what?
Life is good.
At the moment, sitting here, all of Alice Springs beneath me and the West MacDonnell mountains in the distance, I am actually feeling peaceful. Surprising because, I can quite honestly say without a doubt, that the last 24 hours have been the most terrible of my life. I have been trying very hard to remain positive, but for every positive minute I manage, I have about three minutes where I'm choking back tears. On top of everything that's already happened, today my netbook stopped working. Which means my main source of communication has been severed. Although, sitting up here right now, I'm thinking maybe that's okay. The next few days, in the Outback will be so incredible, who needs internet. I'll let my brain take a technology break.
Right now, sitting up here, I never want to go back. When Sarah, Robin and I climbed to the top of El Castillo at Xunantunich, and I stood there and looked at the world around me, I realized there was so much to see in this world and I needed to see more. Thats what I came here for. And right now, thats what I have. No matter what way I turn, all around me there are more mountains. I wish I could climb each and every one of them. I want to see everything.
The person who vandalized and robbed my bedroom is full of poison and hate. I haven't been very public with what the graffiti said, but it waspretty much the most cruel thing someone could say to me. And it's not going to stop hurting for a long time. But right now, I'm sitting on the top of a hill, on a bright red rock, in the middle of the outback. So you know what?
Life is good.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Right after my last post, I walked to a little cafe, sipped a coffee, and decided to reeeeeelax. So I'd have to wait two hours to get to the island. Who cares right? I could still spend a nice afternoon there.
Then I log onto my computer. And find out that someone broke into my room and spraypainted something awful above my bed. So I cried. And cried and cried and wanted nothign more than to get home to make sure whoever did that didn't come back and harm my kitties and do something worse.
Then I asked S&R to go to my place to check out my room, just in case. And they found my room pretty much trashed. And my safe, which was hidden under a mountain of stuff in my closet, is gone.
I've been robbed, and someone has done the meanest thing to me that I can ever imagine happening. All I want right now is to be home with Ashley and Alex and my kitties, and to snuggle them all and make this go away. Instead I'm in Brisbane. A city I already hated. And I can't get home. I want to change my flight, but have to wait til they open at 9am (11pm here) to see if I can. I was supposed to go to Alice Springs tomorrow. How can I enjoy anything now? I just want to be home, being so far away from everything I love is so awful at the moment.
Then I log onto my computer. And find out that someone broke into my room and spraypainted something awful above my bed. So I cried. And cried and cried and wanted nothign more than to get home to make sure whoever did that didn't come back and harm my kitties and do something worse.
Then I asked S&R to go to my place to check out my room, just in case. And they found my room pretty much trashed. And my safe, which was hidden under a mountain of stuff in my closet, is gone.
I've been robbed, and someone has done the meanest thing to me that I can ever imagine happening. All I want right now is to be home with Ashley and Alex and my kitties, and to snuggle them all and make this go away. Instead I'm in Brisbane. A city I already hated. And I can't get home. I want to change my flight, but have to wait til they open at 9am (11pm here) to see if I can. I was supposed to go to Alice Springs tomorrow. How can I enjoy anything now? I just want to be home, being so far away from everything I love is so awful at the moment.
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